arachnophobe’s daymare

In today’s installment of the Misadventures of Tiffany comes a terrifying story from a recent night at work. I’m an arachnophobe, but living in rural Michigan has helped me to learn to coexist with them. In Michigan we have wolf spiders. If you’re not familiar, I’ll just wait here while you go investigate.

The other night at work, I watched a giant (half dollar sized), furry spider scurry across the floor. Hot on its heels was a second, smaller (dime sized), equally furry spider. I figured they were the aforementioned wolf spiders looking for a place to hunker down for the winter. I was fretfully thinking if wolves travel in packs maybe wolf spiders do, too.

The first (read: larger) of the two arrived at the base of a fan and stopped. The smaller one continued on until he was out of my sight. I stood there for a while watching the larger spider. It was just chilling there on the base of the fan. It was less than ten feet away from me.

Its baby (because that’s what I’d decided to call it) was still out of my sight and had not yet returned. The momma spider (because that’s what I’d dubbed it) was between me and my bottle of water, and I was feeling rather parched. I ignored the thirst as long as I could. Finally, I took a deep breath and mustered up the courage to walk past momma spider and potentially encounter baby spider.

As I drew closer to the fan where momma spider had come to rest, I expected her to take off. I wasn’t sure if she would rush me or run away, but I was positive she was going to move. I took another step, she remained frozen. My feet kept moving, but she stayed put. I’m watching her like a hawk, positive now that she is going to jump on me as soon as I reach her. I’m still not sure where baby went.

I take that final step. The one that brings my foot beside the fan. So close to the spider that I can see it clearly now. Clearly because it still hasn’t moved. Hasn’t budged at all. That’s because it’s actually a rather large dust bunny. A little more searching uncovers baby spider a few feet further across the floor. It’s also a rather large, though not as large as it’s pal, dust bunny.

I had to laugh at myself. Irony is that it happened on the eve of my ninety days. I’m now eligible for prescription safety glasses. Had I been wearing prescription glasses instead of store bought I may have been able to see that they were simply dust bunnies hopping along.

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