up, up, and away…

I’m flying, now. Free from all that once encumbered me. I can feel the wind course through me as I climb ever higher.

The clouds feel like droplets against my skin. Can I still call it skin? I’m really not certain what I am right now. Spirit? Soul? Ethereal mass? Whatever it’s called, it’s everything I ever wanted it to be.

Photo by Harry Cooke on Pexels.com

Curious, I slow my flight. I roll onto my back as I had so many times in the pool. I wonder if the atmosphere will hold me. I cross my arms behind my head and lean back against them. I let myself relax.

Freedom. What a strange concept. I’ve never felt free before. Never been free before. There was always somebody to report to. Somebody who held my metaphorical reigns. No one holds them now. No one holds me now.

Loneliness. It hits me hard enough to knock me from the sky. I begin to plummet towards the earth. The gentle droplets that make up the clouds slice through me like razor blades. I feel each one tear through me.

Sadness crashes down on me. All that I’ve lost. All that I’ve left behind. I want so much to return to my life now. I yearn for my body to tether my spirit again.

I cry out, begging for this pain to end. I ache for you. You, the body I wished so often to shed. The body I thought held me down. The body that failed me so many times.

I awake with a start, certain that I’ve just crashed back to earth. I’m panting heavily. Sweat pours off of me.

Photo by Mo on Pexels.com

What is it?” he asks from the darkness beside me.

Just a dream,” I assure him. “Go back to sleep.”

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